Bertha McDonald showed up in church dressed in black. The priest asked where her husband Bob was. She answered that he had died suddenly. The priest offered his condolences and asked if he had any last requests.Bertha was surprised and answered that indeed he had asked her, "Bertha, Bertha I'm requesting you to please put the pistol down!".

reminds me of the person that was peeing in the ocean while their spouse was drowning.

when asked why they weren't helping, their response was "i am; every little bit helps!"

Pre-joke agreement:

I (insert your name here) give permission to (insert comedians name here) to tell this joke about me

and only this joke (insert joke here) for use at (insert venue) on (insert date of venue).

If the joke is altered in any way from the joke stated on this document, the comedian stated above

will be liable for any damages arising from the permission granter taking offense to said joke.

This permission is for the date of venue stated above only.

Both parties sign and date here.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?

A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again!

Confucious say.... woman who fly plane upside down bound to have crack up.

Confucious also say... man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.

Bob's housekeeper Anna asked Bob's wife Joan for a raise. Joan asked Anna, why she thought deserved a raise. Anna answered, “Because I am a better housekeeper then you”.

Joan, agitated, asked Anna “What makes you think you are a better housekeeper then me?”, Anna replied, “Your husband said so.”

Oh really?” Joan replied. “Also I am a better cook than you.” Joan is now really pissed, “What makes you think you’re a better cook than me?”, “Your husband said so,” replied Anna.

Joan was beyond furious and about ready to throw Anna out of her home. “And one more thing,” Anna added, “I am better in bed than you are”.

Joan was totally shocked. “My husband said that?!!!”.

Anna replied, “No, your personal trainer did."

Anna got the raise.

After examining me the urologist said I had a healthy prostate.

I was deeply touched.

After observing an anomaly in the wave function of the W Boson

which yielded a W Boson condensate where one should not theoretically exist

we can only hypothesize that a detector caused the wave function to collapse.

Confucius also say... No such thing as rape!

Woman with dress up run faster than man with pants down!

Confucious also say..... hormone is noise one hears outside brothel window.

Then Confucious say.... brothel employee never out of work and have client list longer than Great Wall of China.

What does the rooster say?

Cock a doodle do!

What does the hen say?

Any cock will do!