Signs seen at the restaurant workers' pep rally.
"EMPLOYEES MUST WASH HANDS AFTER THEY PICK IT"
"NO CRACK MINING AT THE KID'S MEAL STATION"
"PLEASE DON'T SNEEZE IN THE CARRY OUT BAGS"
"REMEMBER TO SMILE AND SAY WELCOME TO FLUFFY'S FOOT LONGS"
International Toilets this way>>>>
Russian going in
European inside
Finnish and out.
That's a bit like the international lecher with Roman hands and Russian fingers.
A man had three girlfriends and was trying to decide which one should he marry. He decided to give them all a test with money giving each one $5000 and would judge how each used the money.
The first spent all the money on beauty. She went to a fancy beauty salon and got her hair and makeup done. She bought new clothes, shoes and some jewelry. When he saw her, he was amazed and remarked how beautiful she looked. She said I did this all for you, to make you happy.
The second thought about him and remembered he said he loved golfing the most. She bought new golf clubs for both of them and booked a weekend at his favorite golf resort. When he saw her, he was amazed and remarked how thoughtful she was. She said I did this all for you, to make you happy.
The third thought about the value of the money. She opened an investment account and in short time managed to double the money. She gave him the $5000 back and said the investment account would be used to help pay for their future together. When he saw her, he was amazed and remarked how good she was with money. She said I did this all for you, to make you happy.
The man thought about each of the three women and what they had done with the $5000 he had given to them.
Then he married the one with the BIG BOOBS.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
He's not breathing, so his friend calls 911. 'My friend is dead! What should I do?"
The operator replies, "Calm down, sir, first make sure that he's really dead."
There's a silence, then a loud bang.
Back on the phone, the guy says, "Ok, now what?"
lol ....
That joke has been called the funniest joke ever.
What happened to...
"My dog has no nose.."
"How does he smell?"
"Terrible." ? ...
Bravo! Scientifically proven.
For Jafo:
I renamed my iPad 'The Titanic', so when I plug it in, it says “The Titanic is syncing".
My shutdown sound is still...
Ooh be do....bit tired maybe, best not to say more. Bedways is rightways now, best be going homeways and get a bit of spatchka....
A three-legged dog walked into a bar; he was looking for the man that shot his paw.
here is on from a Dad Joke App:
how did the Hipster drown? He went ice skating on the pond before it was cool.
this is simply good advice: always yell Fire! Fire! if you get stuck in an outhouse because noone's coming to help if all you're yelling is "#$%@!".
this is my assumption of vegetarian friendly beef broth production (this is in a medical doctor's bathroom)
A young man is flying home to New York from California and settles into his seat bracing for a long flight. He sees a young lady across the aisle and decides to try and have some fun with her.
He turns to her and asks, "Do you want to play a little game?" She says "sure." "I'll make you a small wager. I'll ask you a question and, if you can't get the answer right you give me $5 and then, you can ask me a question and if I can't get the answer right, I'll give you $500." She says "Wow a hundred to one odds for me. I agree."
He thinks and then he says: "What is the average distance from the earth to the moon?" She wrinkles her brow opens her purse and hands him $5. He takes the $5 saying the answer is 239,228.3 mi.
She thinks and then says: "What walks up a hill on three legs but, walks back down the hill on four legs?" He gets befuddled, wrinkles his brow, and looks down, mutters a few times and finally says "I give up and angrily gives her the $500. He says, "ya, so what the answer?" She looks at him and hands him another $5.
LMAO! Eggsellent!
Observation....
You can lead a whore to culture,
but you can't make her think.