Teaching budgeting...

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Dude is right.  Beer good.

3 blondes walk into a building.  You'd think one would have seen it.

GROAN

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

How is sex like a game of bridge? If you have a great hand, you don't need a partner.

They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.

@RnD...LMAO! 🤣

Wife: Babe if I died would you re-marry?

Husband: Well yes, I think I would.

Wife: If you remarried would you live in our house?

Husband: Yes, this is a great house for our children.

Wife: But would you even let her sleep in our bed?

Husband: She couldn't sleep in the children's bed.

Wife: Since you are going to share so much of ours with her, would you even give her my golf clubs?

Husband: No that I wouldn't do, she is left-handed.

Little boy says to a little girl! I have got something that you have not.
She asks what it is so he drops his pants and shows her.
She walks away crying.

Next day they meet again and she is all smiles and laughing.
He asks her why she is so happy.
She says she talked to her mother and she said that with what I have got I can have as many of them as I want.

Today has not been a good day for poor Tom.

After breakfast, he thought he'd do something different so he decided to go horseback riding with some friends. He knew he'd have trouble getting on. It turned out to be a big mistake.

Tom got on the horse and it started out fine, but then it went a little faster; before he knew it, they were going as fast as the horse could go.

He couldn't handle the pace and eventually, he fell off. His foot got caught in the stirrup and the horse dragged him. It wouldn't stop. He was scared out of his wits. He slammed his head, banged his elbow and tore his shoulder.

Thank goodness the kind manager at Toys-R-Us came out and unplugged the machine!

Murray goes to his Rabbi and says I think my wife is trying to poison me.
"That's ridiculous," the Rabbi says, "let me talk to her."
The Rabbi meets with Murray's wife for three hours.
"Murray, I just spent three hours with your wife."
"What should I do?" Murray asks.
The Rabbi says, "take the poison."

I was asked to name two things that hold water.

"Well dam" I said.