Signs seen at the restaurant workers' pep rally.
"EMPLOYEES MUST WASH HANDS AFTER THEY PICK IT"
"NO CRACK MINING AT THE KID'S MEAL STATION"
"PLEASE DON'T SNEEZE IN THE CARRY OUT BAGS"
"REMEMBER TO SMILE AND SAY WELCOME TO FLUFFY'S FOOT LONGS"
My wife was in labor with our first child when suddenly she began to shout, "Shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, didn't, can't!"
"Doctor, what's wrong with my wife?", I asked.
"Nothing," he said. "She's just having contractions."
If you skip on line IQ tests only you will know your estimated IQ in the spoiler below.
If you skip on line IQ tests you are a genius.
I have discovered the fifth law of thermodynamics.
Law 5) Ruined it.
Here is the formula for how much time "T" it takes to ruin any endeavor we worked on for any amount of time.
C is the speed of light.
T= 0 times C squared or for short T=0C²
what two things can you never eat for breakfast?
lunch and dinner
Ever wonder if you died and went to hell or are you the only one here.
Nobody told you.
In eighth grade literature class there wasn't just one guy chewing news paper spit wads the size of tennis balls,
there were two guys so everyone in the class could deal with it including them. Noah's Ark.
Here is another short joke, I grew up in a very windy place, windy every day, dust storms once and a while.
I decided to fly a kite and after a couple days the wind died. Isn't that funny?
A single middle-aged man goes to Hong Kong for vacation. While he is there he has relations with a woman of the evening. Two weeks after coming home he noticed his dick has turned black. He goes to the doctor and the doctor examines him and asks. have you been in Hong Kong lately? He answered yes. the doctor then asked were you with anybody? He answers yes. The doctor tells him I'm sorry to tell you this but you have what they are calling Hong Kong Dong. the only known cure is amputation. He pleads with the doctor and says there must be something else. the doctor apologizes again and says there is no known cure amputation is the only way. again he pleads and the doctor tells him. Perhaps if you go back to Hong Kong and see their doctors the disease originated there they may have something. So he goes back to Hong Kong and makes an appointment with the doctor. the doctor examines him and tell him yes you have Hong Kong Dong. The man tells the Hong Kong doctor the American doctors have said the only cure is amputation. The Hong Kong doctor laughs and says, American doctors all they want to do is operate make money make money operate, you no worry in 2 or 3 weeks it'll fall off all by itself.
Attorney: Are you sexually active?
Witness: No, I just lie there.
Attorney: Now doctor, before you performed the autopsy did you check for a pulse?
Doctor: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Attorney: So, is it possible that the patient was alive at the time?
Doctor No.
Attorney: How can you be so sure when you did not check first?
Doctor: Because his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk.
Attorney: I see. But is it possible that the patient was alive, nevertheless?
Doctor: Well, I suppose it's possible he could have still been practicing law.
BDBF LMAO! 🤣