Here you go.... 

Now that you mention I think I have gotten gas in Tipton before.  Still flares up occasionally.

Even the dog stopped to take a look.  Smart dog.

Scribblings seen on various toilet walls around the world:

Just above the gap on the inside of a cubicle door: Beware of Limbo Dancers.

Another one on a cubicle door: It's no use standing on the seat the crabs in here can jump 10 feet.

On a cubicle wall above the cistern: Men, stand closer, it may be shorter than you think.

Above the toilet roll holder: The job is not complete until the paperwork is done.

High above a urinal: While you are reading this sign your shoes are getting wet.

Another one high above a urinal: What are you looking up here for, ashamed of it are we?

In a mens public lavatory: We aim to keep this toilet clean, your aim will help.

Something I once read on the London Underground: "My mother made me a homosexual."

And underneath somebody else wrote: "If I buy her the wool would she make me one, too?"

An Irish man went to confession at St. Patrick's Catholic Church.

'Father', he confessed, 'it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Fanny Green twice last month.'

The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's.'

Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional. 'Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with Fanny Green twice a week for the past two months.'

This time, the priest questioned, 'Who is this Fanny Green?'

'A new woman in the neighborhood,' the sinner replied.

'Very well,' sighed the priest.. Go and say ten Hail Mary's.

At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall,Voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.

The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasn't wearing any underwear.

The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, 'Is that Fanny Green?'

The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply, 'No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes'.

Too funny.    

Don't let the cute duckling scam happen to you..

You've been warned..